You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Im part way to drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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