i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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