i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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