everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
