I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
