Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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