Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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