Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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