It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
