So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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