i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
