You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
