also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
