I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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