I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Terrible idea I love it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
