I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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