Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
