I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
