if you like me you must not know who I am
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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