Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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