All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
