I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
