Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
