please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
