I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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