My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
