Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
