you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
