I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
