Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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