i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
