Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
