He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
