Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
