hotel room ftw
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
