ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
