girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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