I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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