did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
