is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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