I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
