Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
