she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
