she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
