booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
