I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
