I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
