Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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