The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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