We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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