hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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