the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
