I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
