A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
