I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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